The Death of English Wicket

npower Test Match Series
England: 435 & 252-9 (105.0 overs)
Australia: 674-6 (181.0 overs)
England drew with Australia

Cricket is a pursuit that goes far beyond the moniker of ‘just a sport’. It has a fabled history that not only encapsulates the Anglo-Saxon spirit of a stiff upper lip but also provides a rebel spirit to the nations that it was exported to. The thing I ponder at the moment is how come England has slipped so erratically. And please cease of stuttering 2005 !

Last Wednesday heralded the start of one of the English greatest traditions of failed Imperialism: The Ashes. A turbulent test series that evokes hatred of the Australians (Aussie’s) or English (Pomms) depending on whether you enjoy a finely engineered ale and picnic or a foul smelling BBQ and disgusting warm lager.

The Ashes legacy began in 1882 at The Oval, thanks to the creative wit of The Sporting Times who published a satirical obituary announcing the death of English Cricket. The reasoning behind this wonder of Victorian sarcasm is that one of Her Majesty’s colonies had beaten Blighty on home ground. Obviously this was treated with huge disappointment, embarrassment and disgust that a former penal colony who wore hats with corks dangling from it could rival the Imperial State at our own game. This crisis of willow escalated in 1883 on England’s so called “Regain the Ashes” tour to Australia by two bints from Melbourne presenting Ivo Bligh (England Capt) with an urn holding what is believed to be the remains of a bail (other sources range from Aboriginal folklore stating it holds the ashes of King Cole, a cricketer, to a woman’s veil)


Since 1882 England have held The Ashes a total of 28 times while Australia 31.
Is 2009 the time to regain The Ashes from Brucey? I fear not!!! On Sunday I awaited with drawn breath for Ricky Pontin to give that annoying wail of victory but due to some perhaps controversial tactics and valiant efforts by Collingwood we managed to achieve a draw. Not that this was deserved. Throughout the 1st Test the Aussies dominated the match. Our opening batting order completely broke down and was trampled upon as if a juggernaut kangaroo was pounding repetitively upon a flimsy sand castle in Margate.

It’s time to face facts that The English Cricket team are not on par with the rest of the world. Is it by no strange occurrence that England’s best batsman is South African?? A factor that cannot be overlooked. Still chin up old fruit we still have the next Test at Lords to look forward to, even though we haven’t beaten the Australians there since 1934!!
Oh one more thing.........I don’t want to sound defeatist or supportive of our chaps, I pray to the heavens that they will march onto the crease as proud as Henry VIII’s cod piece at the Battle of the Spurs. We will have to wait and see.